Ode to Those with ADHD

If you think my life is simple, you are wrong.
My world is complex and confusing, even to me.
It’s hard for me to know what is important.
Often times, this is what hurts me most.

And it’s oh so lonely.
Even though many others suffer with me, 
I feel alone and isolated in a world not designed with me in mind.
I feel misunderstood and undervalued.

People take advantage of me.
I become the point man, scape goat, an easy target.
When given a choice, they always believe the other person.
Somehow, I lose before I even have a chance to win.

My brain is flooded and my body paralyzed.
It’s times like these I lack motivation.
Other times, my body is restless and my brain shuts down.
I can’t choose these things because they’ve already chosen me.

Yes, I have ADHD.
That is what others tell me I am.
As if there is nothing more to me than a label.
Believe me, it’s no badge or trophy I wear proudly.

On the outside, I am the same as you.
I walk amongst you in a crowd.
But on the inside, I am lost. 
Forever trying to find my way, over and over again.

I lie to protect my own feelings and of the people I love.  
Lying doesn’t get me anywhere though.  
It never has.
But neither does telling the truth.  

I feel exploited and betrayed by others and myself.
Yet, others feel that way about me.
Add insult to injury the shame is potent.
It burns fiercely inside me in my daily existence.

Don’t feel sorry for me, though, you probably won’t anyway.
I deserve what I get because I lack self-control.
My actions (or inactions) define who I am.
No need to look any deeper.

Through all of this, I am not bitter.  
Not because I don’t feel, but because I don’t know any better.
I don’t ask the question, “What would the world be like if I wasn’t like this?” 
I don’t ask, because this never occurs to me.

The judgment from others is unbearable at times.
This makes me feel very self-conscious.
Sometimes I just say, “Screw it,”
And begin the process of self-sabotage.

I am a prisoner of the medical system and at the mercy of all other systems.
I will spend my life trying to find out who I am.
I am far from perfect,
But I am my own warrior and I will never give up.

A special note to those with ADHD:

I speak to you from my own personal encounters knowing and loving people with ADHD.  Heck, sometimes I think that this gets even more personal and applies to myself.  Never assessed, never diagnosed, but I feel much of this I wrote, and yet, others would never know it.  People with ADHD are very good at many things, most especially masking and doing their best to blend in with the rest, hiding the fact that they often feel like an imposter.  ADHD’ers overcompensate for their so-called deficiencies.  

But…I want to give hope to those who are currently struggling.  ADHD is very real and yet we feel like it’s treated as an excuse.  ADHD is not the beginning of you, nor is it the end.  

You may be bold, yet humble.  

You may lack motivation, yet are incredibly resourceful.  

You may be self-deprecating, yet inspiring to others.  

You may be defensive, yet highly sensitive. 

You may be restless, yet creative and innovative.  

I think you get the idea!

For everything you aren’t, you ARE!  Your complexity is what makes you truly special!

Keep being you!

Margo

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