Never in our wildest dreams would we ever have imagined that the world would be quarantined for weeks or months with no definitive timeline telling us when we will regain our sense of freedom. The term Social Distancing was a foreign concept until now. The word Corona was commonly referred to as a Mexican beer, not a deadly virus.
This level of restraint has never happened before in my lifetime…my parents and grandparents too. Our world is facing a new norm. A norm where masks and gloves and toilet paper (I had to) is essential. Schools are teaching remotely, people are being laid off, and many businesses are closed or hours have been reduced. No doubt, it is a sign of scary times ahead. What shape will our economy be in and how long will it take to recover? What about the mental health of people? Being quarantined for a significant amount of time was never a possibility in our lifetime until now. So naturally, we are all feeling a little ill-equipped in how to go forward from here.
For me, it is taking it one day at a time. Having four young children at home is challenging at the best of times so thinking too far ahead is counterproductive. It is as if the world had a grand plan, “Hey world, slow down. Breathe. Look after each other. And remember what is important.” Now is the time we have been given to ask ourselves what is important for the long term.
(PAUSE AND REFLECT)
Caring for children (especially in the multiples) can be difficult. It means not only having to care for your own basic needs, but that of your dependents as well. Concerns over feeding them nutritious food, getting enough sleep, keeping up with their schoolwork, teaching responsibility, getting along with their siblings, maintaining a sense of routine, and taking care of their physical and mental health are just a few of the many overwhelming responsibilities we carry as parents during these unbelievable times.
As I have mentioned in an earlier blog, self-care for parents is critical at this point in time. It is what will keep you from teetering over the edge. Not only will this benefit you, but it will also protect your children from feeling the effects of your own stress and anxiety. It is much like the oxygen mask example when a plane is in a state of emergency. You must put on your own oxygen mask before you can care for others. The same goes for our current situation. How can you be helpful to others if you are in distress?
One way to self-monitor is by doing a daily check-in, first with yourself, and then with others. Keep track of your moods. Are you quick to anger? Is the stress getting to you? Notice what is going on in your body and where you are holding your stress. There are things that you can do to help reduce your stress, but first you must have the awareness.
Some ways to self-monitor include:
Do check-ins with your partner or have a buddy system in place.
Make a daily log of how you are doing (a simple rating scale of 1-5 would suffice).
Pay attention to your body (including your thoughts) and note any changes.
Give yourself time to process your feelings and talk about it with someone.
Practice self-care strategies and develop your sense of gratitude.
Find a healthy outlet (exercising, mediating, journaling) to help you unwind.
Utilize your time to do something you enjoy.
Set up regular video chats with friends and family in order to maintain a connection.
Make sure to share your feelings with someone if you are struggling. Don’t try to do it alone.
So, what about your kids? One thing is for sure. They will fare much better if you have your own self in check. We know kids are resilient. But their wellbeing depends on the level and quality of support from their caregivers. What you decide to tell your children should correlate to their chronological age. It is important to give them the information they need in order to dissolve curiousity. However, be cognizant about giving them too much information which could end up causing alarm. You do not want to overwhelm their system. It may be wise to give bits and pieces of information in small chunks rather than all at once. Break it down for them into a language they will understand. It is also important to give them time to process the information and ask questions when they are ready. Let them know that you are readily available to answer any questions they may have. Lastly, keep things as normal as possible and assure them that we will all get through this together.
Make the best of this time with your children. Here are some ideas for you to consider.
Set a routine, but remain flexible at the same time.
(regular bed times, scheduled times for play and schoolwork, chores, meal times)
Allow room for creativity and exploration.
(Puppet shows, making crafts/projects out of recycled items, have a fashion show, build forts, paint stones, make a floor road map for toy cars, create a mini city out of lego or boxes, Teddy Bear tea party, build a time capsule)
Give your kids time with you to bond.
(Reading books together, playing cards or board games, do some simple science experiments, movie nights, play hide and seek with a special object (I use Waldo) and direct them to find it using a temperature system like hot/cold etc.)
Make learning fun and focus on daily living skills.
(Cooking and baking, menu planning, cleaning and organizing space, teach them to do their own laundry, redecorate or reorganize their bedroom to their liking, include them in any home renovations)
Go outside for some outdoor learning to designated areas.
(Bike rides, walks, scavenger hunts, lawn games, plant a garden and watch it grow, weeding and lawn care)
Use technology together whenever possible.
(create a photo album of this special time, make a homemade movie, introduce them to meditation and visualization apps, record stories they have written or have them document this time in their life, set up virtual play dates with friends)
My advice would be to make this time with your kids memorable. This is likely a once in a lifetime experience. Will they remember missing weeks/months of school, or will they remember the special times they had with their loved ones? We have the opportunity to give our kids more of exactly what they need—us! More hugs, more kisses, more laughs, and more joy!
